http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1667211/demi-lovato-skyscraper-cry-for-help.jhtml
Hi-five Demi Lovato! But the fact is that, we have different kind of treatment. :)
Lunes, Hulyo 18, 2011
Linggo, Hulyo 17, 2011
POV 101 #3
It's been... 6 days. Since I've last write in my blog.
Making such decision not to go online for 21 days is not easy. A tough decision for me. I'm so scared of what would be the outcome of that decision of mine, for I know I have so many unfixed things, through the cyberworld. One thing is this conflict between very close friends of mine, again, I lost friends. Yes let's say this, it's crazy because I met them in through social sites, but THEY ARE MY FRIENDS, I even treat them as family......
Before when I went in to college, I said this to myself, "It's okay Lord if I don't gain friends, anyways I don't know how to cherish them, treasure them for I am used to be a loner, I don't have anything to give, coz even me myself, I can't give love". But then things changed, He had given me friends that until now are still with me. Indeed the Lord is great. So I thanked Him for giving them to me, but there's a tug of fear in my heart and a pinch of worry. For truth be told, I don't know how to give a conversation for starters, I don't know how to react on things happening around, and lastly, I don't know how to give advice whenever they're in need of good comfort. That fact pains me, because I can't give any to them. But I keep on praying to God that may He get this fear out off my system. I was wrong in my prayer......
Three years had pass and my fear grow bigger and bigger, I just didn't notice it. Thought I have conquered it, because I have other ways of countering pains and struggles within myself. I don't SHOW them. It was stuck in my mind that if I'm gonna CRY and TELL my problems to others, they might not take it seriously. They would listen I know-once they would know that I have many struggles that can be a weakness to me-but eventually will just go away. So I build this facade of mine. The strong, cool, and UNBREAKABLE Mae. And that's how people see me. Neither did they know that I'm rotten inside, even me myself didn't notice that. You know the fear of losing someone you have treasured? Even in s short span of time, well, time doesn't matter. The thought makes me shudder and bring tears to my eyes that I would blink again just to make it go away. So I made myself unnoticeable to everyone, a flower in the wall as much as possible. But then, I'm looking for LOVE from other people(cyberworld). I don't know why, maybe because I can't see them if I want to, unlike my friends here beyond cyberworld. I avoid direct contacts with people and so would be the hurt. Little did I know that it had eaten a lot of portion in my whole being. And I'm picking up the pieces, slowly, that no one still know.
In my prayer, I should have said that, "Lord, may you give me strength and help me take this whole fear in me out of my system, completely. Be my strength Lord and comforter."
Now, while I am writing this blog, I have so many things in my mind. Many things, if you(the one who's reading now) can read minds, maybe you'll gain headache if you read mine. Hope, even in the cyberworld, this CHANGING of mine is visible. CHANGE can't just happen in a blink of an eye, but it is a long process that one should pass through and thoroughly.
I'm conquering it now. For God is here, with me. Supporting me and guiding me. I would trust Him fully this time. I want to change for Him, mold me into a person He wants me to be, not what PEOPLE want me to be. I DON'T WANT TO BE MEDIOCRE. In my ministry in church, in my Christianity, and within myself.
And that ends here, good night!
Making such decision not to go online for 21 days is not easy. A tough decision for me. I'm so scared of what would be the outcome of that decision of mine, for I know I have so many unfixed things, through the cyberworld. One thing is this conflict between very close friends of mine, again, I lost friends. Yes let's say this, it's crazy because I met them in through social sites, but THEY ARE MY FRIENDS, I even treat them as family......
Before when I went in to college, I said this to myself, "It's okay Lord if I don't gain friends, anyways I don't know how to cherish them, treasure them for I am used to be a loner, I don't have anything to give, coz even me myself, I can't give love". But then things changed, He had given me friends that until now are still with me. Indeed the Lord is great. So I thanked Him for giving them to me, but there's a tug of fear in my heart and a pinch of worry. For truth be told, I don't know how to give a conversation for starters, I don't know how to react on things happening around, and lastly, I don't know how to give advice whenever they're in need of good comfort. That fact pains me, because I can't give any to them. But I keep on praying to God that may He get this fear out off my system. I was wrong in my prayer......
Three years had pass and my fear grow bigger and bigger, I just didn't notice it. Thought I have conquered it, because I have other ways of countering pains and struggles within myself. I don't SHOW them. It was stuck in my mind that if I'm gonna CRY and TELL my problems to others, they might not take it seriously. They would listen I know-once they would know that I have many struggles that can be a weakness to me-but eventually will just go away. So I build this facade of mine. The strong, cool, and UNBREAKABLE Mae. And that's how people see me. Neither did they know that I'm rotten inside, even me myself didn't notice that. You know the fear of losing someone you have treasured? Even in s short span of time, well, time doesn't matter. The thought makes me shudder and bring tears to my eyes that I would blink again just to make it go away. So I made myself unnoticeable to everyone, a flower in the wall as much as possible. But then, I'm looking for LOVE from other people(cyberworld). I don't know why, maybe because I can't see them if I want to, unlike my friends here beyond cyberworld. I avoid direct contacts with people and so would be the hurt. Little did I know that it had eaten a lot of portion in my whole being. And I'm picking up the pieces, slowly, that no one still know.
In my prayer, I should have said that, "Lord, may you give me strength and help me take this whole fear in me out of my system, completely. Be my strength Lord and comforter."
Now, while I am writing this blog, I have so many things in my mind. Many things, if you(the one who's reading now) can read minds, maybe you'll gain headache if you read mine. Hope, even in the cyberworld, this CHANGING of mine is visible. CHANGE can't just happen in a blink of an eye, but it is a long process that one should pass through and thoroughly.
I'm conquering it now. For God is here, with me. Supporting me and guiding me. I would trust Him fully this time. I want to change for Him, mold me into a person He wants me to be, not what PEOPLE want me to be. I DON'T WANT TO BE MEDIOCRE. In my ministry in church, in my Christianity, and within myself.
"I would not mind what people would say about it, it's God that I serve, anyways, not MEN."
Lunes, Hulyo 11, 2011
POV 101 day two!
Good morning bloggers!
I can't write anything..... my mind is in somewhere else, I miss her, I miss them, I miss them all! But I need to focus on my studies, on the things that I left. I have to fix myself.
What a dream! I really force myself to wake up, and there my body ached and I'm still dizzy from sleep. Wanna curl up again but, no. I went straight to my laptop and write this blog thing of mine..............
I'm not in the mood to finish this now, maybe I'll just repost the whole thing later this evening :)
CIAO EVERBODY!
I can't write anything..... my mind is in somewhere else, I miss her, I miss them, I miss them all! But I need to focus on my studies, on the things that I left. I have to fix myself.
What a dream! I really force myself to wake up, and there my body ached and I'm still dizzy from sleep. Wanna curl up again but, no. I went straight to my laptop and write this blog thing of mine..............
I'm not in the mood to finish this now, maybe I'll just repost the whole thing later this evening :)
CIAO EVERBODY!
POV 101 day one!
Today, my first day in somewhat like what we call "Changing oneself for the better". I don't know why I'm writing this, it keeps bugging me since this morning that I should write something in my blog. And now, here it is.
Early in the morning I woke up almost 8 am and my class starts at 9:30. I woke up a bit disappointed because, I want this day to be a productive one. I want to make myself effective even a small thing, but productive enough for me and to other people. So kick myself up and readied for school, I have to make my pace fast 'coz sure do I would be late again. Yes, again, seldom that I can be at school early, except if we're having reports. So irresponsible, yes.
After taking my bath, I went straight to my room, my laptop then caught my attention.I felt some ache throbbed in my heart, then a sudden flashback that happened few nights before came rushing to my head again. My eyes got blurry with the unshed tears. I blinked back, it's not time to remenisce on things, coz I'm gonna be late! Whew! So I rushed and went for school.
I thinked of many things....things keep playing on my mind that even the music coming from the headset in my ears can't avoid me from thinking, I want to relax, clear my mind, so I closed my eyes. I keep on whispering words in my mind, "Lord help me, give me strength from fighting this depression. Give me the courage for me to change." If only I can shout, I would shout that time given. But still, I close my eyes and relax my mind.
I'm late for 3 minutes, not bad for me for trying to start. The classes went on, we have discussion in the morning in our Tourism subject. As I listened to my prof, I realized that she's a great person, way back I thought she was not coz she speaks harshly like as if she belittles us. But then as I listen to her, I saw her as a TEACHER, her experiences, her advices, and anything the she went on through her journey as a student and as a worker. I remembered the line that I posted in the facebook, "Don't judge others by the way you've witness him, because you don't know what's in the heart of that PERSON. Even if you know that person much, still you don't know what he/she is going through." True, and that I think, maybe I should start doing it, now.
The hour is just fine passing, then in our last subject, my temper boil-up. There was this reporter assigned this day that was so... I can't say the right term but for me, was so irresponsible. He just read his report and his voice was so low like he's eating up his words, not appropriate for speaking in front of a crowd. I admit, I'm not good in reporting, but not that irresponsible not to do my job. Even put some little effort to it, for the sake of the group, I didn't saw that. Then there's a ting sound in my head reminding me on the saying that I was trying to meditate on and apply within myself. Well, I put it aside and concentrate on listening to the other reporters.
It was, a so-so day, I went home and did my chores and my homework as well-there's a need for me to be online in my homework. I opened IS(Internetserye) and have a little chitchat with my family-friends. I miss one person there, she knows who she is. *sigh* I will wait until the day that she will talk to me. Someday, maybe one of this days. I hope so. Coz I miss her, not just her, also the old MAE they knew and my Dadii also Momii, that I know would never come back for me, for what I did. *sigh again*
Now I'm writing this blog, and my promise that for 21 days not to be online was broken! Haha! But I lessen my hours in front of the laptop. I'm controlling it now. I need to, have to.
Good night bloggers! I will post my fisrt reading of the bible tomorrow evening and my views.
Early in the morning I woke up almost 8 am and my class starts at 9:30. I woke up a bit disappointed because, I want this day to be a productive one. I want to make myself effective even a small thing, but productive enough for me and to other people. So kick myself up and readied for school, I have to make my pace fast 'coz sure do I would be late again. Yes, again, seldom that I can be at school early, except if we're having reports. So irresponsible, yes.
After taking my bath, I went straight to my room, my laptop then caught my attention.I felt some ache throbbed in my heart, then a sudden flashback that happened few nights before came rushing to my head again. My eyes got blurry with the unshed tears. I blinked back, it's not time to remenisce on things, coz I'm gonna be late! Whew! So I rushed and went for school.
I thinked of many things....things keep playing on my mind that even the music coming from the headset in my ears can't avoid me from thinking, I want to relax, clear my mind, so I closed my eyes. I keep on whispering words in my mind, "Lord help me, give me strength from fighting this depression. Give me the courage for me to change." If only I can shout, I would shout that time given. But still, I close my eyes and relax my mind.
I'm late for 3 minutes, not bad for me for trying to start. The classes went on, we have discussion in the morning in our Tourism subject. As I listened to my prof, I realized that she's a great person, way back I thought she was not coz she speaks harshly like as if she belittles us. But then as I listen to her, I saw her as a TEACHER, her experiences, her advices, and anything the she went on through her journey as a student and as a worker. I remembered the line that I posted in the facebook, "Don't judge others by the way you've witness him, because you don't know what's in the heart of that PERSON. Even if you know that person much, still you don't know what he/she is going through." True, and that I think, maybe I should start doing it, now.
The hour is just fine passing, then in our last subject, my temper boil-up. There was this reporter assigned this day that was so... I can't say the right term but for me, was so irresponsible. He just read his report and his voice was so low like he's eating up his words, not appropriate for speaking in front of a crowd. I admit, I'm not good in reporting, but not that irresponsible not to do my job. Even put some little effort to it, for the sake of the group, I didn't saw that. Then there's a ting sound in my head reminding me on the saying that I was trying to meditate on and apply within myself. Well, I put it aside and concentrate on listening to the other reporters.
It was, a so-so day, I went home and did my chores and my homework as well-there's a need for me to be online in my homework. I opened IS(Internetserye) and have a little chitchat with my family-friends. I miss one person there, she knows who she is. *sigh* I will wait until the day that she will talk to me. Someday, maybe one of this days. I hope so. Coz I miss her, not just her, also the old MAE they knew and my Dadii also Momii, that I know would never come back for me, for what I did. *sigh again*
Now I'm writing this blog, and my promise that for 21 days not to be online was broken! Haha! But I lessen my hours in front of the laptop. I'm controlling it now. I need to, have to.
Good night bloggers! I will post my fisrt reading of the bible tomorrow evening and my views.
Bayeee! Forever I love you IS!
Biyernes, Hulyo 8, 2011
Short script (one of my delusions, pohahahaha! biro lang)
Short script (one of my delusions, pohahahaha! biro lang)
december 2010
Tauhan:
alam niyo na :P
C: Would you like to be my girl?
M: *shocked* Ano kamo?
C: Mag-back read ka kaya, 'yoko nang umulit.
M: Hala! At may gana ka pang magsungit? *taas kilay*
C: Just answer me.
M: Di ka naman nagmamadali miyan?
C: Sasagutin mo ako o kikidnap-in kita?
M: Kidnapin mo nalang ako, tapos tapon mo ako sa bangin. Nakakatakot pag sinagot kita e. *tawa*
C: You're heart will be more in danger pag kinidnap kita., coz I'll make you fall for me. *grins*
M: *nanlaki ang mga mata* Ah, eh, pwedeng bawiin ko yung choice ko?
C: Pwede. *still smiling*
M: Yes.
C: That's my girl! *hugs*
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